1. Santa and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break they see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the friend says to santa:"I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus."
   Santa answers: "I do not believe that."
   They agree that the loser invites the winner to a bottle of wine after the film. It turns out that the friend wins. So after the film they drink together the bottle of wine in a restaurant near the cinema.
   Then the friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I saw the film for the second time."
   Then Santa replies: "And I saw it for the fourth time, but I did not think that this fool rides into the cactus again."
2. Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath to cure my cold."
   Banta Singh: "Does it work?"
   Santa Singh: "I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot bath."
3. Once a sardarji receives a love letter from his beloved. Being an illeterate he cannot read the letter. So keeping that letter for him for weeks,months and years he thought how to read the letter. He thought and thought and thought and this sardarji being a little intelligent fellow finally he got an idea that he can go with that letter to his friend and ask his friend to read that letter for him. So he made all the plans to reach his friend. Finally he reached his friend's house on one fine morning and he explains all the story, but still he does not want his friend to know what that letter contains(the letter being very personal and meant for only to the sardarji), so again he thought and thought and thought for one week and finally he got an idea.......So this was the situation what our GREAT FRIEND SARDARJI was in...can u just guess what he is going to do with his final idea....?????
   (Ans): He just closes his friend's EARS while his friend is going to read the letter so that his friend cannot hear what he is reading.......
4. A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are stupid", he said. "You should not take this so earnestly",answered the neighbouring minister, "These are only jokes and not true stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you."
   Saying so, he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on his way.
   The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed. There is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier to call and check!"

5. Santa Singh is at the railway station. He asks a man "When will Rajdhani Express go from here?"
   Man Replies 12.30.
   "When will Deccan Queen go from here?"
   Man Replies 11.30.
   "When will Punjab Express go from here?"
   Man Replies 10.30.
   Santa singh goes on asking about all the trains.
   Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.
   Santa replies, "No I just want to cross the tracks!"

6. A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
   He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lottery"
   Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.
   The Sardarji goes back to the temple................
   "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well"
   "Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
   Back to the temple..................
   "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
   Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord:
   "SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST"

7. Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
   Yes of course, said the doctor, why not!
   "Oh How nice it would be I have been illiterate for so long" replied Banta with joy.

8. Santa Singh went to kashmir officially and called to his house over phone.
   Sardar had taken the receiver.
   Santa Singh : Who is speaking?
   Sardar : Servant Sir.
   Santa Singh : Where is the Madam?
   Sardar : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
   Santa Singh : What? I am her husband came to Kashmir today.
   Sardar : What can I do now sir?
   Santa Singh : Open the cub board, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
   After some time ... there comes 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
   Sardar : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?
   Santa Singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool
   Sardar : There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
   Santa Singh : What...? No swimming pool?
   Sardar : Yes Sir
   Santa Singh : Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!

9. Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. A Surd was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still wanted to take revenge.
   Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja (Go to sleep, O dear mosquito, go to sleep)". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
10. One day, Banta goes to the clinic, and he finds his friend Santa crying.
    Banta: Santa, Why are you crying?
    Santa: The doctors are going to take my blood test by cutting my finger.
    After hearing this Banta also starts crying.
    Santa: Banta, why are you crying?
    Banta: I'm here for urine test!

11. A sardar can be so stupid that: -
    He puts make up on his head so he can make up his mind
    He gets stabbed in a shoot out
    He sends a fax with a stamp on it
    He tries to drown a fish
    He tries to push a bird of a cliff
    He thinks socialism means partying
    He trips over a cordless phone
    He takes a ruler to bed to see how long it sleeps
    He puts Sagittarius in the box for 'sign here' on the application form
    He studies for a blood test and fails
    He sells the car for gas money
    He misses the 44 bus and takes the 22 twice
    He drives to the airport and sees a sign that said 'Airport Left' turns around and goes home
    He gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floor
    He calls you to get your phone number
    He spends 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said concentrate
    He tells you to meet at the corner of 'Walk' and "Don't Walk"
    He tries to put M&M's in alphabetical order
    He sits on the TV and watches the couch
    He thinks that a quarterback was a refund
    He gets locked in a grocery store and starves to death
    He would give you change when u gave him a penny for his thoughts
    They had to burn down the school to get him out of third grade
    He puts 'Hooked on Phonics' under education on the application form
    He takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
    He would be speechless if he spoke his mind
    He thinks that Boyz II men was a day-care centre
    He thinks that Meow Mix was a record for cats
    He ask for a price check at the dollar store
    He thinks you need a token to get on Soul train
    He went home and got 16 friends when he saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted)
    He moved when he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home
    He thinks that Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
    He laughs at a joke on Saturday when he was told it on the Wednesday.

12. One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops. However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish person goes into the room.
    Detective: Who killed Jesus?
    Polish: The Catholics.
    Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
    The American goes next.
    Detective: Who killed Jesus?
    American: The Jews.
    Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
    Banta is next.
    Detective: Who killed Jesus?
    Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
    Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
    Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.
    Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
    Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.

13. Santa Singh was traveling by train without a ticket. When he saw the T.C (Banta singh) coming he thought of an excuse which he had heard from other people, that is, ministers can travel free. So when Banta came and asked Santa for his ticket, he said 'Oye! asi minister' (I'm a minister). Banta asked him 'Oye! tusi kade Minister' (which minister). Santa couldn't think of any minister except Mrs. Indira Gandhi, so he said 'Oy! asi Indira Gandhi'. Immediately Banta caught Santa's feet for blessing and said 'Oye! asi bauth sunya, Oye! asi bauth padya, aaj dhek leya'(I heard a lot about you, I read a lot about you and my luck, I saw you today).

14. There were 4 sardars in Mumbai
    
    . They decided to start a business.They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up. WHY?
    Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"

    After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage. WHY?
    B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

    After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY ?
    B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

    All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge. WHY?

    B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

15. Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to get off on station that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite him on the train to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This guy was a barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved more service. So, when he fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off is beard!
    When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. His wife said, " What's the matter?" He replied, "The cheat on the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has woken up someone else!!!"

16. The sardarni asked his lover, Santa Singh, "Santa darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?". "Sure", said Santa, "what's your phone number?"

17. Santa, Banta, and one of their friends, Munnabhai, were stranded on an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited. Munnabhai was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He swam upto 50 miles, got tired, and drowned. Then Banta tried. He swam upto 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too. Santa thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.

18. SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
    "Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."
    "Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
    "No, this is eleven eleven."
    "Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
    "That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

19. One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that in our family we marry
    
    only our relatives my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me !!!!!
20. Santasigh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of his non-sardar friends came home.
    Friend: Santasighji How is your MBA preparation?
    SantaSingh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
    Friend: Logic is very easy.
    Santasigh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
    Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
    Santa: YES.
    Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.
    Santa: YES.
    Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.
    Santa: YES.
    Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
    Santa: YES.
    Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
    Santa: YES.
    Friend: so, logically, your are married.
    Santa: YES.
    Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.
    Santasigh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Bantasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
    Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
    Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
    Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
    Banta: Please, give me an example.
    Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
    Banta: NO, I don't.
    Santa: Saala HOMO!!!
21. A sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Sir...Sir....What are you doing ??"
    To this sardarji replies, "Oye,..look at this sign board..., Wash Basin"
22. A sardarji with a big bandage in his left hand told his friend (not a sardar) that his hand was caught in the machine in the factory.
    "oh!" exclaimed the friend and said "If it had happened to the right hand you would have suffered triple than this"
    "I am not a fool" said the sardar. "First the position was that only my right was about to get caught...I instantly pulled it out and gave my left hand inside"
23. Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
    A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
    Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and went to toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
24. Banta started to explain his Adventure. He had gone to a remote village on some work and due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night.
    The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."
    He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.
    The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."
    He went towards the next house and without taking any risks,asked, "Do you have grown up daughters?"
    The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
    Banta replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night ....."
25. A surd wants to somehow get a doctorate. One of his friend advises him to do research in zoology. So the surd decides to do his research in zoology, that too with a Frog. He first keeps the frog on a table and asks it to jump. It jumps.
    Now he cuts one of its legs and keeps it over the table. Again he asks it to jump. Again frog jumps.
    Getting boosted by this development, now he cuts another leg and asks the frog to jump. The frog jumps again.
    Getting wondered about it, now he cuts the third leg and again asks it to jump. The frog jumps.
    Now he could not control the suspense and cuts the fourth leg and ask the frog to jump. It doesn't. Immediately the surd writes in his thesis "If you cut all the four legs of a frog, it will become deaf."

26. A sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning,he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!"
    He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the the person. Then he realized he had lost his place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again. After he had purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a coke.The line at the concession stand was also very long, but since the game hadn't started he decided to wait.Just as he got to the window, a voice called out "Hey, Balbir!"
    Again He got out of line as he wandered looking for that person.But no luck. He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke. Finally, he had his coke and took his seat, eager for the game to begin.As he waited for the first pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey, Balbir!" once more
    He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name isn't Balbir!"

27. Once Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what was to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his application form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again Santa thought for a long time before coming up with an answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
28. 
    

Posted via email from Prashannth.V